An Open Letter To Juan Pablo

Dear Juan Pablo,

First off, I stayed up entirely too late last night watching your shenanigans on the Bachelor and After The Final Rose.

I’m still trying to wrap my head around the ending of the Bachelor.  What the HELL is wrong with you, Juan Pablo?

I have never gone from being so totally obsessed with a bachelor in the beginning of the season to wanting to puke whenever they talk by the end of the season.  My perception of you has changed entirely.

Why in the world would you treat the girls on the season with such disrespect? Why would you lie to girls using your daughter as an excuse to get out of uncomfortable situations?  Stop using your language as an excuse.  Face it, it’s not the language barrier that’s your issue, your issue is that you’re a complete jerk-off.

Sure, you’re hot, sure you can act sweet, but all you wanted were “besitos” all season so you wouldn’t have to get into real conversations. God forbid you actually got into a real conversation with a potential wife.   I wonder if anyone counted how many times he kissed girls on TV this season.  BARF.

A couple tips I think you should consider…

1. Quit asking girls for besitos.  Words work better than kisses if you want to get to know someone.
2. I’m not entirely sure you knew you were on a reality TV show so I wanted to let you know that you were on a reality TV show called The Bachelor.
3. When you talk to girls, give them a little more room.  Having your face 2 inches away from theirs is pretty damn awkward.  Stock up on mints if you plan to continue this approach.
   
4. Stop using your daughter as an excuse.
5. You probably should have kept Kelly around.  You may have been most compatible with her dog, Molly.
6. Your “ess-okay” statements are almost as annoying as a bad papercut.
7. Stick with soccer..you’re better at it than dating.
8. If you’re so close to your family, why do they talk so much shit about you?
9. Saying “I wish the earth sucked me today” just shouldn’t be in your vocabulary.

I don’t think you came onto the show to actually find someone.  Actually…let me rephrase that.  I don’t think you came onto the show to find a WIFE. I do think you came onto the show to find someone….. to hook up with.  I think you liked the attention you got when you were on the Bachelorette and decided..hey I’ll go on TV again and sweet talk all these girls into bed.  Ess Okay!

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I also think you’re incredibly ungrateful.  The Bachelor has given you a HUGE opportunity that only a few people will ever get.  You signed up for the show and you knew that you would be in the public eye.  Instead of sharing your emotions, you just decide to shut down.  Newsflash….if you’re just trying to act mysterious…it’s not working.  You look like an emotionless, insensitive, douche.

Also, quit being a dick to Chris Harrison.    Don’t bite the hand that feeds you.  The Bachelor has given you SO much, and in return, you decide to snap back at the host of the show who’s just trying to figure out what the hell you’re talking about?  Check yourself, boy!

This is crazy for me to say since I was such a huge fan in the beginning of the season but I’m going to say it.  I honestly think you were the worst bachelor in The Bachelor history.

Now I truly hope that you don’t screw over Nikki or any other girl in your future.  As a father, you should know that girls should be treated better than that.

 

Always,

If you enjoyed Open Letter to Juan Pablo, feel free to share it on social media (there’s a sharing toolbar at the top of the post).  Maybe some day it’ll get to good old JP.

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To end this post, I’d like to share a couple funnies with you 🙂